| Continuing our broadcast of public service announcements, |
| Worldwide Helpers announces upcoming vacancies for a number of volunteer worker positions. |
| All applicants must meet the following requirements. |
| First of all, applicants must be over 18 years of age. |
| The company apologises, but there can be no exceptions to this rule. |
| Second, persons interested in these positions may not have police records. |
| Minor traffic offences like a parking ticket are, of course, no problem. |
| But, and I quote, "past and present drug users and sex offenders" need not apply. |
| The employer will, of course, check with the police to verify your clean record. |
| In addition, applicants must supply references from past or present employers or teachers along with their recent CV. |
| These references must testify as to the applicant's work habits and/or character. |
| Remember, these are references from employers or teachers. |
| A note from your dear old Mum won't do. |
| Worldwide Helpers assures me that they will contact these references to confirm they are genuine. |
| Although all positions are volunteer, the employer will reimburse some of your expenses. |
| For example, they will pay for transportation to and from the job site. |
| Aside from that, the cost of phone calls is covered. |
| As for the positions themselves, there are three types. |
| The first involves assisting persons confined to wheelchairs. |
| For this position, volunteers must be physically fit and in excellent health. |
| They must be able to lift at least 150 pounds. |
| They should also have a current First Aid certificate from the Red Cross. |
| But the most important requirement is that the volunteer must have his own car. |
| On Tuesday afternoons, the volunteers take their clients to various scenic spots around the city to experience and enjoy nature. |
| If you don't drive, but you'd still like to get involved, |
| the centre has a number of openings for people to read to the blind. |
| Readers must, of course, read English clearly. |
| Persons with no foreign accent are preferred. |
| For these positions, you must be available on Monday mornings. |
| Oh, wait, I see a note here. |
| There is one opening for someone who can read Urdu. |
| Apparently, there is a Pakistani blind person who'd like to hear his or her native language. |
| But the other positions are all in English. |
| And finally, there are a limited number of volunteers needed to care for disabled children. |
| I'm sorry, but the information I've been given does not say how many children or what disabilities they have. |
| In any case, you are needed to care for the children for one week in August. |
| Apparently, this will be at the close of the summer holiday. |
| I would guess this involves helping them with the routine chores of daily life. |
| Again, volunteers for this position must know basic First Aid, |
| be in good health, and be able to lift up to 75 pounds. |
| All applications for this position have to be submitted no later than Monday, August 8th. |
| Applications may be made either by a regular postal service - the "snail mail" - or by e-mail. |
| The mailing address is Worldwide Helpers, Post Office Box 651, |
| East Surrey BY8 99C. |
| Please write "ATTENTION: Mary Smith" on the envelope. |
| Or you can send e-mail to |
| acrawfor@worldwidehelpers.org. |
| That's A-C-R-A-W-F-O-R |
| @worldwidehelpers.org |
| So get out there and do something good! |
| OK, our next announcement is looking for someone to "facilitate" tiger breeding at the London Zoo. |
| And, get this, it's a "strictly volunteer" position. |
| That means you don't get paid! |
| Oh my God... |
| I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but I just have to laugh... |