| Right, Sandra. |
| You wanted to see me to get some feedback on your group's proposal. |
| The one you're submitting for the Geography Society field trip competition. |
| I've had a look through your proposal and I think it's a really good choice. |
| In fact, I only have a few things to say about it, but... |
| even in an outline document like this, |
| you really have to be careful to avoid typos and problems with layout in the proposal, |
| and even in the contents page. |
| So read it through carefully before submitting it, okay? |
| Will do. |
| And, I've made a few notes on the proposal about things which could have been better sequenced. |
| Okay. |
| As for the writing itself, |
| I've annotated the proposal as and where I thought it could be improved. |
| Generally speaking, I feel you've often used complex structures and long sentences for the sake of it |
| and as a consequence.... |
| although your paragraphing and inclusion of sub-headings help... |
| it's quite hard to follow your train of thought at times. |
| So cut them down a bit, can you? |
| Really? |
| Yes. And don't forget simple formatting like numbering. |
| Didn't I use page numbers? |
| I didn't mean that. |
| Look, you've remembered to include headers and footers, which is good, |
| but listing ideas clearly is important. |
| Number them or use bullet points, which is even clearer. |
| Then you'll focus the reader on your main points. |
| I thought your suggestion to go to the Navajo Tribal Park was a very good idea. |
| I've always wanted to go there. |
| My father was a great fan of cowboy films and the Wild West |
| so I was subjected to seeing all the epics, |
| many of which were shot there. |
| As a consequence, it feels very familiar to me |
| and it's awesome both geographically and visually, |
| so it's somewhere I've always wanted to visit. |
| The subsequent research I did |
| and the online photographs made me even keener. |
| Interesting. |
| Right, let's look at the content of your proposal now. |
| Did you find it comprehensive enough? |
| Well, yes and no. |
| You've listed several different topics on your contents page, |
| but I'm not sure they're all relevant. |
| No? |
| Well, I thought that from the perspective of a field trip, |
| one thing I needed to focus on was the sandstone plateau and cliffs themselves. |
| The way they tower up from the flat landscape is just amazing. |
| The fact that the surrounding softer rocks were eroded by wind and rain, |
| leaving these huge outcrops high above the plain. |
| It's hardly surprising that tourists flock to see the area. |
| Well, yes. |
| I'd agree with including those points... |
| And then the fact that it's been home to native American Navajos |
| and all the social history that goes with that. |
| The hardships they endured trying to save their territory from the invading settlers. |
| Their culture is so rich - all those wonderful stories. |
| Well, I agree it's interesting, but... |
| it's not immediately relevant to your proposal, Sandra, so... |
| at this stage, I suggest you focus on other considerations. |
| I think an indication of what the students on the trip could actually do when they get there |
| should be far more central, |
| so that certainly needs to be included and to be expanded upon. |
| And I'd like to see something about the local wildlife, and vegetation too, |
| not that I imagine there's much to see. |
| Presumably the tourist invasion hasn't helped. |
| Okay, I'll do some work on those two areas as well. |
| But you're right, there's not much apart from some very shallow-rooted species. |
| Although it's cold and snowy there in the winter, |
| the earth is baked so hard in the summer sun that rainwater can't penetrate. |
| So it's a case of flood or drought, really. |
| So, I understand. |
| Now, before we look at everything in more detail, |
| I've got a few factual questions for you. |
| It would be a good idea to include the answers in your finished proposal, |
| because they're missing from your draft. |
| Fine. |
| So, you mentioned the monoliths and the spires, which was good, |
| but what area does the tribal park cover? |
| Do you know? |
| 12,000 hectares, |
| and the plain is at about 5,850 metres above sea level. |
| Larger than I expected. |
| Okay. |
| Where's the nearest accommodation? |
| That's a practical detail that you haven't included. |
| Have you done any research on that? |
| Yes. |
| There's nowhere to stay in the park itself, |
| but there's an old trading post called Goulding quite near. |
| All kinds of tours start from Goulding, too. |
| What kind of tours? |
| Well, the most popular are in four-wheel drive jeeps - |
| but I wouldn't recommend hiring those. |
| I think the best way to appreciate the area would be to hire horses instead |
| and trek around on those. |
| Biking is not allowed |
| and it's impossible to drive around the area in private vehicles. |
| The tracks are too rough. |
| Okay, lastly. What else is worth visiting there? |
| There are several caves, |
| but I haven't looked into any details. |
| I'll find out about them. |
| Okay, good. |
| Now what I'd like to know is... |